I guess that time of year is nearly upon us with an anticipated heat wave coming over the next week.
It’s the time when the beautiful people hit the beaches looking super hot and tanned and then I show up and blind them with my white skin.
Down the beach the other weekend my friend noted that she really liked another girls bikini. I couldn’t help but agree and the girl looked great. I noted however that the bikini was not for me. I offered that is was ‘of a size that my backside would eat for lunch or perhaps breakfast or indeed a light afternoon snack’.
On the same day I sadly burnt my nose despite factor 50 suncream! This is not a look that anyone wishes to take forth i can assure you.
The other dilemma I personally find when the skin baring summer time hits is my lack of concern for my own welfare. Aside from my spam legs I am also frequented by multiple shades of bruising at pretty much all times. Why you may ask and well quite simply because I walk into things and bash myself with objects. It could quite easily be called clumsiness, yet in fact more often than not it simply isn’t. It’s just that I like to travel everywhere via the quickest route and also live on the theory of ‘why make two trips when you can do it in one’ even if that one risks a good battering by the items I’m carrying, or potential twisted ankles, damaged back, dislocated shoulders or the like – it always just seems worth the risk.
The classic examples of go by the quickest route was the 2 times I have tripped over marquee pegs ripping my feet open. Yet I currently have a large deep purple bruise on the top of my pelvis where I decided to push through clearly to small a gap, at speed to ensure I succeeded and a bruise on my upper thigh from running straight across a room despite the fact it involved hitting a table.
Fear not dear reader I have no words to describe myself either, although I can imagine ‘idiot’ is winging its way across your brain just now.
So should you find yourself on one of the beaches of Southern California, faced with a bright white torso, ending in spam colored legs, the whole ensemble glittered with multi colored bruises and a bikini that appears to be getting eaten by said visions backside, do stop and say ‘Hello!’ as that’ll be me!!